Affairs Valentino - The UN True Story of Rudolph Valentino (Evelyn Clarkson Zumaya)

To spew out allegations or criminal activity, harassment and potential litigation seems to be Evelyn Clarkson Zumaya's hobby as of late.  Whether defending fugitive, Hala Pickford or harassing David Bret, Zumaya seems to be Hell-Bent on gaming Google's search index with false reviews and self-glorification regarding her newest trash novel, "Affairs Valentino."

The aforementioned "book" is currently not for sale anywhere.  To further clarify:  You CAN NOT buy "Affairs Valentino."  You can't buy a new copy, you can't buy a used copy.   Amazon.com as well as Barnes and Noble have all pulled it from their websites, citing "quality and content issues" as their reason for doing so.  Zumaya, instead of revisiting the project and cleaning up the infinite inconsistencies and potentially libelous portions, would rather "hide" in various "exotic locations" and bang away at her keyboard.

Zumaya's publisher, Katie Lynn Birchard, AKA "Hala Pickford," has now been on the run from the law for nearly 2 months.  The Burbank Police Department is currently following up on leads to her whereabouts, as well as investigating individuals associated with her business and person.  Being a fugitive from justice, Pickford faces swift arrest and jail time upon her apprehension.  If Pickford was so innocent, as Evelyn Zumaya claims that she is, why hasn't Pickford turned herself into the authorities to defend herself?  Evelyn Zumaya is well aware that her publisher is wanted on Felony Charges, but to admit so would be career suicide.  I use the term "career" even more loosely than the saggy skin hanging from her skeletal frame.

Zumaya spends all day trying to cyber bully David Bret, but refuses to answer any of the questions regarding "Affairs Valentino" and why it contains so many contradicting points, factual errors and physical quality issues.  When concerned Silent-Film buffs cornered both Zumaya and Pickford publicly regarding these glaring errors and specifically invited them to respond, it was crickets... Not a peep from either of them.  Why, you ask?  They know damned well that "Affairs Valentino" is a work of fan-fiction and the only words of praise coming in are those spouted from Zumaya herself.  I find it ESPECIALLY interesting that "Pickford" recently erased a post on Nitrateville, in which she admits to knowing about her arrest warrant for "Failure To Appear" as well as admitting factual errors contained in the book. Don't worry, we'll be posting a screenshot of the post very soon.

Again, I ask you Evelyn, where is your mighty and powerful new book?  If this book is the greatest book ever written, why on Earth has it been banned from being sold anywhere?  If it's the most factual book on Valentino ever written, why are there so many glaring factual errors contained within the cheap outer cover?  You talk about "brisk" sales but do you really expect anyone to believe that?  Define "brisk," Evelyn?  Exactly how many copies of "Affairs Valentino" did you REALLY sell in the mere days it was available for purchase?  You do realize that it is very public and common knowledge that your book is factually flawed, overpriced, cheaply manufactured, sensationalized fan-fiction, correct?

Now, please don't take this the wrong way. You do realize, however, that you ARE indeed creeping up on 63 years old?  You realize that you are spending the last quality years of your life taking advantage of a girl whom you, yourself declared to be mentally ill.  Yes, Evelyn Zumaya - you said that.  She's nearly 40 years your junior, and you are doing all this in the desperate hope to sell a book that you spent over 10 years romanticizing; a book that has floundered completely.  You do understand that there is a good reason that no reputable publishing house would touch it, right?  You realize that "Affairs Valentino" is the laughing stock of the silent-film world and that your association with "Hala Pickford" has only given you less credibility than you may have ever hoped for?

You also realize that your online reputation drops like a rock on a daily basis?  "Hala Pickford" has spent years of her life making sure that her victims names are tied to negativity, methodically gaming online search engines.  The irony that you are both in the same situation now is quite, well... ironic.  The only difference is instead of fabrications, blatant lies and sensationalized mis truths, you are a victim of your own game.  You've been caught in your own snare.

You consistently claim to be done responding to the "cultists," but everyday you post some new machination of shit regarding your own book, your "flawless character" and your "angelic" publisher.  Lies, Lies, Lies. Evelyn Zumaya, we are calling you out as the phony that you are.  Your book is no more factual than Kenneth Anger's novels.  If you put a Kenneth Anger, Evelyn Zumaya and "Hala Pickford" novel side-by-side, you'd be hard pressed to have any real Valentino expert to guess which one contained more fabrications.

You can't demand respect, Evelyn.  You have to earn it.  If you've learned anything from watching the social, mental and physical demise of "Hala Pickford," learn that lesson, and fast.  "Hala Pickford" IS going to jail.  She IS going to face Felony Charges as well as a gaggle of Misdemeanor Charges and she IS going to face the music for her years of court proven unethical behaviors.  You're the only one that seems to think any different.  Even the good and most patient judge has finally thrown the book at her.  She can't use the "young girl" excuse any more than you can continue to use the "old woman" antic.

Until next time,

The EXPOSE "Hala Pickford" Team

A Q&A Session With "Hala Pickford" and Evelyn Zumaya

Q:  So what happened to your blogs Bret?

A:  So sorry you missed the links, ladies.  Below are the links to all of the blogs you may find to be of interest to you:

http://davidbret.blogspot.com/

http://malignantnarcissism.blogspot.com/search/label/Hala%20Pickford

http://davidbret.blog.co.uk/

http://exposekatielynnbirchard.blogspot.com/


If we can be of further assistance, please let us know.  Thanks again for your interest.

Sincerely,

The EXPOSE "Hala Pickford" Team

An Open Letter To Evelyn C. Zumaya

07/30/2011

Evelyn C. Zumaya

1234 No One Gives A Shit Street

Anytown, Anystate

01234-2940

Anycountry

Ms. Evelyn C. Zumaya

It has recently come to our attention that you have completely lost your fucking mind. Must you consistently embarrass yourself, day after day writing a blog that is dedicated exclusively to the slander of David Bret and in your feeble, 62 year old mind, convincing only yourself that your book is anything but self-glorified fan fiction?  Are you really convinced that this is the "authoritative and definitive biography" of one of silent films' greatest stars?  

As a general rule, a definitive biography would begin with the birth of its' subject and work its' way through the life of said subject, giving a balanced and unbiased account of the life, death and legacy of said subject.  Your book does none of these things, Ms. Zumaya. Regardless of your self-written blog full of self-proclamations, edited by yourself (and very poorly so, I must say) detailing your self-serving project, (Is anyone else noticing a pattern here?) your book is still below sub-par. Your book will always be sub-par and is currently published by a criminal; a criminal with an active warrant for her arrest; a criminal with FELONY charges against her; a criminal currently on the run from the authorities; a criminal with a One-Hundred Thousand Dollar lawsuit that continues to gain interest to the tune of Ten-Thousand Dollars a year, a criminal that by your own admission and statements is "...physically and mentally ill."  YOU, Ms. Zumaya, told a friend in confidence that you sincerely believed that Ms. Birchard/"Pickford" would be dead within one year if she didn't seek professional help.  You also confided in this friend that Ms. Birchard/"Pickford" had developed a serious alcohol problem.  These are your words, Evelyn C. Zumaya. You dropped Ms. Birchard/”Pickford” like a hot potato when she became too needy, constantly asking for rides to the grocery, etc. You only rekindled your “relationship” with Ms. Birchard/Pickford when it suited you. You are a foul excuse for a human being to use a physically and mentally ill woman for your own self-serving purposes.

You, Ms. Evelyn C. Zumaya, created this fantasy of “living in hiding” and these supposed “cultists” in an effort to create a buzz for your pathetic book. Not only is it completely laughable, but it hasn't worked worth a damn to generate any buzz outside of the extremely small circle of people whom know that it's bullshit. Incidentally, the very people whom you call “cultists” are some of the only people that bought this book. At the last minute, you and Katie Lynn Birchard, under the guise of “Hala Pickford,” using the very publishing company that is now on the chopping block in a FELONY investigation, decided in order to gain revenge against David Bret and others, put a nearly 15 page rant, full of libelous and misconstrued information. This “Forewarning” wasn't intended to defend your “freedom of speech.” This was done to lay the ground work for these imaginary “cultists” and to create a convenient excuse for your publisher disappearing into “hiding,” when really, she's wanted by the authorities. You are no more living in hiding than Lady Gaga. You may as well throw on a meat-dress and prance around in Hollywood.

Evelyn C. Zumaya, do you really think that no one has noticed that the book was pulled from EVERY online retailer and is not available for sale ANYWHERE?! Of course you're not advertising THAT. Instead, you continue to bang away on your typewriter, touting how “authoritative” and “well-researched” your book is? Have you convinced yourself yet, Ms. Zumaya, because no one else is buying it; neither figuratively, or with cash or credit. When we contacted Amazon.com regarding the sudden disappearance of your book, we were simply told that “the product did not meet Amazon's strict quality-control standards and was not suitable for our customers.” Barnes and Noble simply replied that “the book you are inquiring about is no longer offered for sale.” If I didn't know any better, Evelyn C. Zumaya, I'd say your book was pulled because it was mis-advertised, contained libelous and potentially illegal material and received more 1-Star reviews than a Broadway show written by and starring Katie Lynn Birchard.

You aren't selling books out of your home because the book is a print-on-demand product, only manufactured each time someone buys it. These one off copies are ordered by online retailers as they sell, and other than that, aren't available anywhere. It's more likely than not that you can't afford to stock the book yourself, because in an attempt to defraud your readers, you made the book nearly double the size that it should have been. The nearly 600 pages would easily fit onto 350 if you printed the text in a standard size font and spacing. You could shrink the book down to a little over 15 pages if you removed the fantasized conversations, one-sided story line and drivel. Come to think of it, you could reduce it another 13 pages if you removed the libelous and sensationalized “Forewarning” that you threw in there at the last minute. That leaves only the cheaply produced, soft cover and a title page that are worth a shit, and the majority of customers that have purchased the book complain that the cover falls off too. You're about as much of a reporter as one of the News Of The World staff, and we all know how that ended. If your book is so fucking authoritative, why don't you ever address the issues that are brought up publicly about it, Evelyn? You don't because your a pussy and you're full of shit.

How can you explain the lawsuit against your publisher for SIX-FIGURES for Libel and Defamation of Character? How can you explain your book being pulled by every retailer that offered it for sale? How can you explain away the fact that your personal blogs are dropping like flies, disappearing like a fart on a windy day? How do you explain away the DOZENS of 1-Star Reviews regarding the quality of this book, both physical and content related? You're merely trying to increase your books' Google ranking by posting the same nonsense day in and day out. You can post screen shots of supposed research and call it the second coming of Christ, but until you've got a product that stands on the feet of such research, it really doesn't amount to anything. In general, at this point, you're only arguing with yourself. You've thrown so much shit at the wall that the entire room smells, but you can't get it to stick. At this point the shit coming out of your mouth is both diarrheal and disgusting.

To Summarize: This isn't the book that we, the supposed “cultists” don't want anyone to read. In fact, we wish everyone would read it and I'll happily loan anyone whom asks for it, my own personal copy. We've discovered the book in all its' “kookie” glory on several Bit Torrent sites online in PDF format. Since no one can buy the book anywhere currently, we are banking that a number of them will download it and continue to post their honest reviews regarding its' “quality.” You have to understand, Ms. Zumaya, that each time someone reads your fan-fiction, it only cements what has been written everywhere. It would be better for you to have never sold a copy, as at least then, there would be some shadow of doubt regarding the books' quality. You've got your “freedom of speech” and we've got ours and soon that's about the only freedom your publisher is going to have because she'll giving up the rest of her freedom behind the bars of a prison cell. You wouldn't have to daily post your “defense” if your work was astute.

Personally, I think David Bret summed it up quite cleverly. Your book and your blog are like having a quiet wank in a water closet. No one hears it or sees it and frankly, you're the only one who enjoys it. Now if you'll excuse me, my tie is crooked and I have quite the puddle of slobber to mop up.

Sincerely Yours,

The “Cultists”

cc. Katie Lynn Birchard, Hala Pickford, Hala Kitty, Hala Kuromi, 1921 PVG Publishing, Kaja Mundy, The Rudolph Valentino Society, Clara, Miss Dane, MissPickford9, HalaIsDayumBeautiful, ClaraBFS, Leah-Cim-Sirrom, Kassandra